As a first step towards managing my phone use, I decided to uninstall Facebook from my phone. I knew that I was wasting a lot of time mindlessly looking at my feed. I soon discovered that I was using my phone a little less. Only a little less, because, let’s face it, there are a myriad of shiny apps to ensnare us.

Science has shown that excessive cell phone has many negative impacts on our health. These include:

• Poor sleep,
• Decreased social interactions and skills,
• Increased eye strain and muscle fatigue,
• Increased cortisol levels.

Too much time on devices

Uninstalling Facebook was a good first step, but it wasn’t enough. I still spent a lot of time mindlessly using my phone. One day, I decided to take a look at my phone’s digital well-being settings and was shocked to see just how much I was using the phone. It was unsettling, actually. I had noticed that my ability to focus was not what it used to be. I often zoned out of conversations. I did not like feeling or behaving like this. I knew that I wanted to address the cause of the issue. Being the proactive person that I am, I knew it was time to address the issue. I took a two-pronged approach: daily habits and periodic social media cleanses.

This is part one of my approach to manage my time on devices, especially the phone.

Like my approach to fitness, I decided to take small, consistent steps to change my behaviour.

Daily habits

1. Do not disturb! I have set my phone to “do not disturb” from 10 pm until 6 am. This setting turns my phone screen monochrome and blocks all notifications, except those from my favourite contacts. It’s not nearly as enticing to look at a black and white screen, leading to less mindless scrolling. Scrolling is an easy, brainless thing to do. It also adds no value to my life, my health, or my overall well-being. I also don’t need the blue light from my phone since it affects my sleep. And I’ve learned that, at the end of the day, I don’t really miss anything by not checking my phone or mindlessly scrolling.
2. Ditch the ‘gram! Instagram is the biggest culprit of my phone addiction. It’s addictive and it shows me exactly what I want to see: adorable dogs and gardening accounts. I was spending a lot of time on that silly app. Something had to change. So, a few months ago I set a daily timer for Instagram. Once the time runs out, it’s no insta until tomorrow.
3. Block! I also decided to block the app for 3 hours a day. From 8 am to 11 am, I can’t use Instagram, Gmail, and Messenger. Is it easy? Nope. It is, however, enlightening and frightening to see how much I was using these silly apps and unlocking my phone throughout the day.

Small steps, big gains

It’s been over a month since I started taking these steps. It was hard at first, but with time I find that I’m no longer mindlessly unlocking my phone. I do slip up. Now when I pick up my phone, I ask myself “what am I doing? do I need to look at my phone at this moment?” Nor surprisingly, the answer is often, no.

I’ve also gained a lot of time for me. I spend my evenings working out, doing hobbies, reading, or connecting IRL with friends.

Sources:

Dopamine, Smartphones, and you

Cell phone usage – how much is too much?

Excessive Smartphone Use Is Associated With Health Problems in Adolescents and Young Adults

The post Managing screen time – part 1 appeared first on Sonia's blog.

A dear friend recently asked me if I ever feel “wired and tired” as I try to fall asleep. Do I ever. I am very familiar with feeling wired and tired. My body is exhausted and my monkey brain decides that it’s the perfect time to ruminate, worry, and solve the world’s problems. The result is difficulty falling asleep, or falling asleep only to wake a few hours later, unable to fall back asleep.

Sweet dreams of youthful sleep

I pine for the sleep of my youth, where I could snooze through earthquakes. Now, the slightest noise acts like a wake-up call.

Sleep: crucial for overall health

Lack of sleep brings a parade of unwelcome guests – chronic exhaustion, memory lapses, focus issues, and a temperamental digestive system. It deprives us of a basic life necessity: quality sleep. Insomnia is that pesky, irrational devil robbing us of quality sleep. I might dodge it for days, then wham! It’s back. And I know I’m not alone. Many of us, especially the menopausal squad, share this bedtime struggle.

Tips and tricks: wrestling the insomnia monster

I’m happy to share some tips and tricks that have worked for me as I attempt to wrestle this monster:

• Re-train your circadian cycle. Our bodies have a circadian cycle and maintaining a routine helps us train our body to know when it’s time to wake up or go to sleep. During the day, get exposure to day/sunlight. At night, use blackout shades to keep your room as dark as possible. Establish and maintain a regular bedtime routine. Yes, I know, it’s boring! But, it does help. These small changes train our circadian cycle to our wake/sleep cycles.
• If you like taking power naps, consider not taking them and seeing if this helps you fall asleep faster.
• Sleeping in a cooler room is a great idea, especially if you tend to get hot flashes. It won’t stop the flashes, but it’ll be less uncomfortable.
• No screens for an hour before bedtime. I know this is not easy to do, but it’s a game changer. The blue light from our devices, combined with the amount of awful content on social media is not conducive to getting a good night’s sleep.
• In the evening, put phone on monochrome mode. Monochrome is boring to look at and a lot less enticing as a result. I also use “do not disturb” mode so I only get notifications from my immediate family.
• Read something boring before going to sleep. You don’t want to give your brain something to think about.
• Exercise, but not before bed. Exercise is a magic ingredient for so many of our ailments. We sleep better, our mood is better, our bodies feel better. What’s not to love?
• Wear ear plugs. This simple idea, suggested by my daughter, works wonders. It allows me to not be disturbed by random noises, including my husband’s snoring!
• The Headspace app is my sleep superhero. Since I started meditating at night, I have found that my sleep quality and quantity have improved significantly. I use the app and I listen to one of the “wind down” meditations. Maybe it’s the deep breathing or maybe it’s the conscious muscle relaxation, but whatever it is, It helps me fall asleep quickly.

Night waking

Night waking is the extra annoying cousin of insomnia. Monkey brain takeover, middle-of-the-night fixations. Here’s my arsenal for falling back asleep

• I use the “falling back to sleep” meditation on Headspace. Most of the time, it works.
• When it doesn’t work, I do some deep breathing and then listen to white noise.
• If listening to white noise doesn’t work after 20 or so minutes, I start to count backwards from 10,000. Yes, 10,000. If my brain wants something to do, I give it this boring task.
• Sometimes, I pick up a boring book. Within a few minutes, I feel tired and I am able to fall asleep.
• Some nights, nothing works, so here’s what I do: nothing. I lie in my warm bed and say a prayer of gratitude for having a warm bed. I used to get annoyed when I couldn’t fall back asleep. That doesn’t resolve anything and it riles up the brain. Some nights I accept that I will have a lousy night’s sleep and that is that.

Acceptance is important. I learned to change my thoughts on sleep after reading a book recommended by another dear friend who has a chronic condition and struggles with insomnia. She suggested I read “Say Good Night to Insomnia” by Gregg D. Jacobs. (https://www.amazon.ca/Say-Good-Night-Insomnia-Drug-Free/dp/0805089586) She followed his six-week program and her insomnia issues disappeared.

Life issues and sleep

Since last fall, and for the first time in ages, I was sleeping well. I had started a new job on November 13. Coincidence? I don’t think so. I was unhappy and very stressed in my previous job, but I didn’t realize just how stressed. As soon as I started the new job, my sleep improved immediately. Even my husband noticed that I was no longer tossing and turning

Then last week, we had to say goodbye to our sweet pup. The insomnia returned. It is what it is. I know this won’t last forever, so I am trying to roll with it. I’ve learned that when I’m extremely stressed or unhappy, even if I do all the “right” things to sleep, I seldom get good quality sleep. When this happens, I find it helpful to accept it and remind myself that it’s an impermanent state. Eventually, I will sleep better again.

The post An ongoing struggle: dealing with insomnia appeared first on Sonia's blog.

This year once again proved that growth happens when I step outside my comfort zone. The comfort zone might be unpleasant, yet many of us are willing to stay in unpleasant situations for fear of change. How many times do we tell ourselves: better the devil I know than the one I don’t? Guess what? that is absolute hogwash!

On December 20, as I was happily driving to work, and admiring the stunning sunrise, it hit me: in 2023, I achieved two huge dreams, one personal and the other professional. I pulled over to capture the gorgeous sunrise and as I stood on the waterfront admiring the beautiful view, I was reminded how far I’ve come in the last few years.

The year certainly had its share of challenges. Is it me, or has the world gone topsy-turvy in the past few years? Between the pandemic, wars, geo-political instability, and people’s nastiness and selfishness, it’s been a helluva scary ride. It’s maddening that we, as humans, do not seem to learn from our past mistakes. Yet, in the middle of all the turbulence, there have been moments of joy, and hope.

An amazing new job!

The professional change was one that I had been hoping and planning for since 2019. For years, I had been unhappy at work. Sure there were some good moments, but overall, I was frustrated with many things. One day I will write about my experience, but for now let’s say that things had not been going well for years. Why did I stay? Sheer terror at the thought of changing jobs. I also had job security and a government pension. As someone who cherishes stability, this was huge. Yet, as time went on, and I was more and more unhappy, I realized that I did not want to be miserable. The time to change jobs was now or never. I am an educated, experienced educator and I have a lot to contribute to the right organization.

Since 2019, I had applied for several jobs. I successful completed a series of testing for a very interesting post, only to have the whole process kiboshed by Covid. I was discouraged, but I did not give up. Ageism is real and I experienced it first hand. This year, it finally happened: I changed jobs! On a recent beautiful sunny, winter morning, I was excited to be driving to work. For the first time in ages, I looked forward to going to work.

My new job is everything I had hoped for: doing meaningful work in my field, working with a great boss and team, easy commute, and a gorgeous work location. Every day I get in my car, I say a prayer of gratitude.

I can swim!!

One year ago, I told myself that my personal goal for 2023 was to learn how to swim. At the beginning of the year, I was terrified of deep water. I could float as long as I could touch the bottom. I had spent a lot of time in the water, thanks to our sweet little cottage. But I wanted to SWIM!

And as the year ends, I can say that I can swim!! I can do backstroke, I am comfortable in the water, and I can do front crawl. Kind of. Can I breathe while I do front crawl? Well, sometimes! Other times, not so much! I could not have achieved any of this level without two amazing instructors: Kim and Zoé. Kim came to the lake all summer and gave me amazing tips that made me feel safe and comfortable trying new things. I learned so much from Kim, most importantly how to feel comfortable in deep water. Zoé was my indoor pool teacher and she was wonderful. Every week she would tell me that I was doing great. At first, I thought that she was just being sweet and kind, but she kept insisting that I was learning so much and then she’d list how far I’d come. Thank you to both these ladies for sharing their skills and passion.

In summer 2024, I intend to keep working on my swimming skills so I can safely enjoy my lake.

If I can do it, so can you

And that brings me to my last comment: if I can do these things, so can you. I’m a 61 year old woman. In one year, I changed jobs and I learned to swim. Neither of these things was easy, but that didn’t stop me. Was I scared. Yeah, many times. Was I intimated? Yes. Did I give up? No. I knew that if I gave up I’d regret it. No regrets over here. Remember, dreams can come true if we work hard at reaching them. Happy New Year!

The post Dreams can come true appeared first on Sonia's blog.

A change in routine

At the start of the pandemic, when the world shut down, the only exercise I could do was walk and so I walked. A lot. I loved watching the seasons change, the birds sing, the clouds move across the water. Going out for daily walks brought me a lot of peace during a scary time. 

Over the last two years, I am walking a lot less than before, and I am now paying the price. My joints hurt, I feel blah, and my sleep quality has suffered. What happened? Until 2 years ago my little dog was my favourite walking buddy. She was a champion fast walker, despite needing to stop and sniff every damn thing! But, that’s no longer the case. She is now a senior with arthritis and various other geriatric ailments. Walking her means very slowly shuffling and stopping every few feet. It’s heartbreaking to think how much she has declined. As a result, my walks are not really walks, but rather “shuffles” where I slowly putter along as she sniffs everything in her path. 

Time to get back to walking

It took a sweet dog to remind me how much I love, and miss taking long walks. Last month, I dog-sat one of my grand pups, Cashew. She is a sweet, gentle, albeit very anxious, pup. One of the best ways to help lower her anxiety is to go for long walks. Three times a day, we’d head out for a walk. As soon as I started walking her, I felt overall better. I had more energy, my mood was lighter and happier, the usual irritants didn’t irritate me as much.

So, I am going back to my daily walks. You should too. Why?

The life changing magic of going for a walk

Going for a brisk walk can make us feel better in a myriad of ways: 

• We’re physically tired so we tend to sleep better,
• We have more energy,
• Getting fresh air boosts our mood,
• We disconnect from the ever-present screens,
• It improves our cardiovascular health,
• It lowers blood pressure,
• It helps decrease joint pain

How fast?

Ideally, you’re walking as though you’re late for an appointment. You want to get your heart rate up. 

How long?

It doesn’t take long. A 30 minute daily walk, at a brisk pace, is all it takes for you to reap the benefits of walking. Does 30 minutes sound like a lot? It’s only 2% of your day. Are you willing to invest 2% of your day on YOU?

In my experience, going for a walk has never made a problem worse. As I walk and take in my surroundings, I can feel my stress levels dip. My racing mind slows. My breathing becomes deeper. Walking also gives me clarity when I’m struggling with life issues. And the result is that I feel so good. I sleep better, feel calmer, and I don’t let crappy situations get to me as much. 

Time to lace up my shoes and experience the life changing magic of going for a walk. Happy walking!

Sources:

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-feb-17-2020-1.5466207/in-a-fast-paced-world-walking-is-a-radical-act-says-norwegian-explorer-1.5466532

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/5-surprising-benefits-of-walking

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/walking-for-good-health#bhc-content

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This was in stark contrast to my 40th birthday twenty years earlier when I had a crisis of sorts. Turning 40 was traumatic. I did not celebrate my birthday that year. Then when I turned 41, I knew I’d been foolish. I would never be 40 again! Right there and then I decided to celebrate every birthday going forward. And I have done just that. Some years, I even celebrate for an entire month. 

Aging is a privilege denied to many

Not everyone has the privilege of aging. I’ve lost track of how many loved ones died before they reached old age. Every time I see a new wrinkle, I remind myself of this. Getting old is a privilege. Yet along with the privilege, there are some unpleasant realities. For one, ageism is real. You are treated differently, especially as a woman, once you hit your senior years. The job market is not interested in our experiences and skills. An extension of our younger years, we continue to get judged on our looks, our weight, whether or not we colour our hair, what we wear, and what life choices we make. Here’s the thing that I’ve noticed as I’ve aged: those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter.

Still, turning 60 feels different. If I live to be 90, I’ve lived ⅔ of my life and now have one-third of my life ahead of me. That’s a sobering thought. And it makes me stop and ask myself: How do I see my remaining years? What can I do to help me age gracefully and with joy? Not surprisingly, I have some ideas. 

Aging gracefully and with joy:

Since my birthday, I’ve spent time reflecting on my future and also looking at lessons learned in my past. Here is what I will do to help me age gracefully and with joy:

1. I will continue to cherish my loved ones. I will keep my inner circle close. I will spend time making memories with those I love.
2. I will continue to be kind. I will not assume or judge a situation or person. Everyone has a story. This includes being kind to myself. 
3. I will continue to exercise. Exercising has been a complete game-changer for me. I feel better. I handle stress better. I sleep better. Life is better when I exercise.
4. I will continue to practice gratitude. Even when things are going badly, I will be grateful for my blessings. I truly believe that having an attitude of gratitude is crucial for my mental health.
5. I will continue to prioritize my mental health. When needed, I will book an appointment with my therapist who has been instrumental in teaching me that it’s ok to sit with my discomfort. I don’t need to react to most things.
6. When faced with difficulties and challenges, I will remind myself that these are opportunities to learn and grow. I know that I have the inner strength and resources to navigate life’s challenges with grace and dignity. So far, I have survived every shitty thing that has happened to me. And I will continue to survive until my time on Earth ends.
7. I will strive to be present and be in the moment. When speaking with a friend, my phone will not be out. When I go for a walk, I will keep my phone in my pocket. I’ll look at the trees, flowers, and clouds. I’ll smile at anyone I meet and say hello.
8. I will laugh and find silliness in weird or uncomfortable situations. I’ll also laugh at myself. Laughter does the soul good and releases feel-good hormones.
9. As long as I am able, I will continue to travel. Seeing new places and learning new things brings me much joy.
10. I will continue to learn new things. Not only is it fun to learn, but it’s also crucial to avoid cognitive decline. Given my family history of dementia, I will do whatever I need to do to ward off cognitive decline.

Onward and forward

I step into my 7th decade with gratitude and humility. I never imagined myself as a 60-year old and yet, here I am. I am grateful to be happy, healthy, and surrounded by love. I know there are still many lessons to learn and I will continue to open my heart to learn them.

The post Entering my third act: a reflection appeared first on Sonia's blog.

Where it all started

When I was young, my family lived in Portugal, about 50 km away from Nazaré. If you’re unfamiliar with Nazaré, it’s where the world’s highest waves are found. It’s also where the world’s largest wave was surfed. I can’t watch that video without getting nauseous. Not surprisingly, the undercurrent is brutal in Nazaré. When I was very young, my mom would take us to the beach and as we walked along the surf, she’d hold my wrist very tight and say “don’t get close. You will drown.” As we walked along, we could feel the undertow. One time, we were dragged into the waves and were promptly thrown to the shore, face down, terrified, but alive. That experience is still etched in my memory. I know that she meant well, but man, she instilled in me a huge fear of deep water.

Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours watching others enjoying themselves on the water. When I had kids, I enrolled them in swimming lessons. All three kids ended up doing competitive swimming. I’d cheer loudly from the sidelines, and every so often, I’d enrol in swimming lessons. Very slowly, I became more comfortable in the water. Getting my face in the water was a big step.

Practice, practice

In 2021-22, I spent a lot more time around water since I now had easy access to a lake at our new cottage. Luckily, the water by the dock is not deep. Knowing this made it easy to dip my toes in and start exploring the lay of the lake. My goal was simple: don a life jacket, get in the water and enjoy the feeling of being in the water. As long as I knew that I could touch the bottom, I knew that I wouldn’t panic. So, I made a point of becoming familiar with the layout of the lake near the dock. When I became more comfortable spending time in the water, I would sometimes switch the life jacket for a noodle. I practiced relaxing my body and floating. And for the first time, I started to feel comfortable in the water. Maybe I could learn to swim, after all! I bought myself a kayak so I could spend as much time on the water as possible. Putting on a life jacket and going out for a paddle became my favourite thing to do.

Making a plan

Sometimes, the universe nudges us. Such was the case in September. My kids threw me an incredible surprise party at the lake. My generous friends and colleagues gave me an unexpected gift: a paddleboard. Ah, wait. I can’t possibly use one of those if I don’t know how to swim! What if I fall off? Even wearing a life jacket, I’d be nervous. As I opened the box, I said, “this is amazing, but guys, I can’t swim!!”. And the reply was, “it’s time you learn to swim!”.

I started to plan my swimming lessons. I signed up for group classes at the local pool. but, based on my previous experiences, I knew that those lessons would not be enough. After speaking with Kim, a swimming teacher recommended by my kids, I signed up for private lessons at the Montreal Institute of Swimming. I did two lessons before the year’s end and signed up for 10 more. With just 2 lessons, I gained new confidence. What a great feeling! I was pleasantly surprised to receive a report card of my first two lessons.

This summer, Kim will come to the lake and give me lessons here. I want to be comfortable swimming in the lake, which I know is different from swimming in a clear pool. My dream is to swim over to a rock about 100 meters from our dock. I can’t wait!

The post My goal for 2023: learn to swim appeared first on Sonia's blog.

Not all was doom and gloom, however. On the upside, vaccines started to turn things around and by summer things were starting to look up. Summer was fun and many of us were hopeful that we were turning a corner. 

In the middle of these various stressful events, one big, wonderful thing happened. Summer 2021 was when one of my long-term dreams became a reality. My husband and I bought our dream property on our favourite lake.

Cottage dreaming

For years, I’d dreamed of owning a cottage on a lake. We already had a cottage, which we loved. The only downside was that it was not on a lake. We had lake access, but I seldom used it because who has the energy to pack up a bag with provisions and head down to the lake? 

If anyone had told me that I would one day become a cottage owner, I would have laughed. To me, owning a cottage was the quintessentially Canadian experience. A cabin in the woods, or ideally by a lake, where you could go and enjoy a simpler life. Growing up, I’d never had a cottage as my parents (who were fairly new immigrants) did not have the means or desire to purchase a cottage. One summer, they did rent a cottage for a week and I absolutely loved spending a week by the lake. Yes, the mosquitos were bad, but that didn’t matter. We had a fun-filled week with our cousins.I was bitten by the cottage bug, literally and figuratively.

Cottage life

My cottage life started when I married a great guy, who happened to own a house in the Laurentians. When we set up our home in Montreal, his home became our cottage. I happily and quickly adapted to cottage life. Over the years, we spent many cozy winter afternoons by the fire after skiing. We took countless long walks and hikes in the woods. I learned to ski and for the first time since I arrived in Canada, I started to like winter. In summer, we’d pick wild blueberries, and mushrooms in fall. Our place was tiny but cozy and adorable. Our cottage became a haven from the daily grind. 

In 1992 we bought our home in the ‘burbs and the cottage became an extra responsibility. I still loved going there, but now it felt like an extra burden. We had a lovely home, in an amazing neighbourhood. Some weekends, it was hard to leave on Friday nights to head “up north”.

When our kids were young, and money was sometimes tight, the cottage afforded us an opportunity to get away from our regular routine without breaking the bank. My husband built the kids a treehouse where the kids spent countless hours playing. In winter, we’d go sledding and skiing. It was a place where the kids could just be kids without schedules, play dates, and too much structure. In other words, an ideal kids’ playground. 

The kids grew up and our weekends became ours. Going to the cottage was once again a relaxing way to spend a weekend. 

Escaping the pandemic 

When the pandemic hit, going to the cottage became a sanity saver. At one point, we were not allowed to travel at all, but once that changed, we made sure to drive up every weekend. It gave us a much-needed break from the monotony of staying home. We couldn’t travel, but we could drive for an hour and be in nature.

In March 2021, our oldest son Alex, who is a realtor, called us to say that there was a property for sale on our favourite lake. We visited. It wasn’t a particularly impressive place. It was not winterized. It did not have an artesian well. The upstairs was so short that I could not stand up straight. The property faced north and there wasn’t much sunlight. Despite these shortcomings, we put in an offer. So did 15 other people. We did not have the winning bid. The cottage sold for $130,000 over asking. We were stunned. Property values had skyrocketed in cottage country. During the pandemic, people were looking to leave the city and this led to a huge demand for country houses.

A dream property

I told Alex that my favourite property was one across the lake. For over 30 years, I’d walked past this place and thought “this is my dream property”. He suggested that I should find out who the owners were. This is public information, so it was easy to find the owners. Then, came the tough part: contacting them in a timely manner. Using snail mail was not an option.

I found one of the owners on social media and reached out. I asked whether she was looking to sell the property. She said that she was. We met at the cottage and hit it off. Meeta is such a sweet lady. I told her how much I loved the property and how this would be a dream come true for me. After some negotiations, inspections and the usual real estate transactions, we reached a deal. Three months later we got the keys and our dream came true!

Lots of work

There was a LOT of work to do on the house before we could start enjoying it. It took close to a year, but it was so worth it. We love sharing our little slice of paradise with our family and friends. We’ve had BBQs, parties, and even Alex and Pam’s wedding rehearsal dinner. It fills my heart with joy to share this sweet place with our loved ones.

My good friend Liz introduced me to the joys of paddling when we used to hang out at her family cottage. I knew that buying a kayak would be the first order of business. As soon as spring arrived, I bought my sweet kayak. Every weekend, weather permitting, I’ve paddled. This is my favourite way to decompress. Then recently, some good friends and colleagues gifted me a paddleboard for my birthday. One more toy to enjoy on my sweet lake.

The past 2.5 years have not been easy. Despite the pandemic and life’s challenges, I am grateful for our blessings. Dreams can come true, even in challenging times.

The post A dream comes true appeared first on Sonia's blog.

Research, research

Let’s start at the beginning. Before writing the first word, I spent months learning about blogging. It was a lengthy process of learning and researching how to start a blog, which platform to use for the blog, selecting a URL, picking a web hosting service, and learning blogging best practices. I even signed up for a Continuing Education course at university. The course, Writing for the Web, gave me a lot of useful tools that I still use. All this hard work had some happily unexpected consequences. 

New skills, new job, new confidence

Little did I know that these new skills would come in handy a year later when I applied for and got my dream job in marketing! This job gave me a much-needed confidence boost after 2 hellish years at work. Having learned how to create and manage a website came in handy as I spent countless hours working on the website at work. 

These new skills also made me eager to learn more and I have taken other courses to improve my digital marketing skills. I’m surprised at how much I enjoy the nerdier aspects of websites, especially the metrics and analytics reports.

Top 3 posts

I thought that it would be fun to celebrate the five-year anniversary of Sonia’s Hungry Heart, by listing the top 3 posts/pages that have garnered thousands of views since publication. Five years in, I’m still humbled at the number of website visits. Ironically, none of the top 3 posts are about the Camino. The “Letter to…” type of post is obviously very popular. One of these days, it’ll be time to write a letter to my 50-year-old self. Yikes!

1.  Letter to my 40 year old self
2. Joy in clutter? Yes, it’s possible
3. Series: letter to my pre-pandemic self

To read the Camino posts, click here.

Photo credit: my incredibly talented friend Steff

The post Celebrating five years of blogging appeared first on Sonia's blog.

Set goals that are too small to fail

Some goals are understandably HUGE goals. These require planning, research and lots of time, effort, (and oftentimes money) to reach. Have you ever set yourself a huge goal? If so, did you reach your goal? How did you reach your goal? Did you set up a series of steps to follow? Did you speak with someone who had achieved the same goal? Did you research how to reach the goal? If you did not reach your goal, what happened? Chances are that somewhere along the line, life got in the way, as it tends to do. It’s sometimes overwhelming to take on a huge goal. Yet social media is full of people seemingly reaching huge goals. Yet, what we see on social media is not an accurate picture. Social media, as many of us know, is a curated illusion. 

According to author James Clear, “The typical approach to self-improvement is to set a large goal, then try to take big leaps in order to accomplish the goal in as little time as possible. While this may sound good in theory, it often ends in burnout, frustration, and failure. Instead, we should focus on continuous improvement by slowly and slightly adjusting our normal everyday habits and behaviors.”

1% better

I recently completed a challenge on Strava where the goal was to be active 15 minutes a day. The challenge was called 1% Better. I did some quick math and realized, aha!! 15 minutes a day is 1% of my day. There are 24 hours or 1,440 minutes, in a day. 

How do you spend those hours and minutes? Most of our days are segmented into a routine. We work and/or study for 8 or hours; if we’re lucky, we sleep 8 hours; and we spend the remaining third doing stuff: driving, chores, eating, socializing, etc. At the end of most days, many of us are wiped out. There’s nothing left in the tank. Where do we find the time and energy to set meaningful and achievable goals?

Micro-steps

So if you’re having trouble reaching those big goals and you’re getting discouraged, here’s an idea: set small, achievable goals. Small goals require small steps. These are called micro-steps. In her new book, Time to Thrive, Marina Khidekel calls micro-steps “tiny, habit-building changes that are too small to fail.” The keyword here is “habit-building”. That’s where daily small steps can add up over time because they create new habits.

Over the years, taking micro-steps towards a goal has worked for me. At the time, I didn’t even realize that I was taking micro-steps. Fourteen years ago, when I decided to get in shape, I didn’t join a gym right away. I had done that in the past and watched as my gym membership lapsed with little use. Instead, I started with baby steps: heading out for a daily walk after dinner. Not a long walk. A walk around my neighbourhood. After a couple of weeks, I noticed something: I felt better. I was sleeping better too. 

Once I started to feel better, I wanted to take long walks. So, I increased my walking time.  Eighteen months later, I was ready to join the gym. At this time, my kids were teens and evenings were very hectic. So, I told my trainer that I could only commit to training twice weekly, no more than 45 minutes each. He seemed surprised, but to his credit, he did not discourage my limited availability. Twelve years later, those initial micro-steps have paid off in spades.

Consistency is key

By taking micro steps toward your goals, you are more likely to keep going. What do micro-steps look like? They could look like this:

• Taking a daily 15-minute walk,
• Meditating for 5 minutes a day,
• Making one healthier food choice per day,
• Not looking at a screen when you eat.

Small changes are not intimidating. Everyone is capable of making small changes if they wish.

Stumbling is ok

Sometimes, you’ll stumble as you work towards your goal. And that’s ok. We’re human and that means we stumble. Getting up is the goal. So, when I stumble, I get up. I might not get up quickly, but eventually, I dust myself off and start anew. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to start over.

Links to sources:

James Clear

Strava

Your time to thrive

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As her cancer became terminal, I decided to make lasting memories. I set about taking pictures every time we got together. But, I’ve never looked at those pictures until now. It’s taken me 20 years to work up the courage to look at the pictures I took in the last few months of her life. This was back in the day before digital photography. I had the films developed, labelled the envelopes, and put them away. I could not bear to look at the images of my mom, with her face swollen from steroids as cancer invaded her brain. Even after all these years, it hurt to see the images.

My beautiful mom

My mom was an amazing woman. Strong, smart, driven, opinionated, loving, funny, and beautiful. She so desperately wanted to live and so she fought cancer with every fibre in her being, until she had nothing left. I brought her to Montreal where she participated in a clinical trial. The results were good, but sadly her liver function was badly affected. So, she went back home to do the traditional chemo.

I leaned on my friends who provided unwavering support. Whether it was picking up my kids, feeding them, listening to me as I rambled on, I knew that I had a rock-solid support network. I learned a lot about dying from my friends. Over the years, those lessons have served me well. Here are the main lessons that I learned after losing my beautiful mom.

Life goes on

In the hours following my mom’s death, I was shocked to see that life went on. Birds were chirping, people were driving, children were laughing, and nothing seemed different. That was lesson number one: life does indeed go on. That’s a good thing because it gives us something to focus on when the pain hits us hard. In those early days, I would focus my attention on my children’s antics. I found it soothing to see them play and enjoy the moment.

An attitude of gratitude

When your life is falling apart, it’s very hard to find gratitude. Not long after we were told that my mom’s cancer was incurable, I was beyond distraught. As I spoke with a dear friend, she told me something that I found profound: “you’re right. This is horrible news. But, at least you have a chance to say goodbye.” I’m so grateful to have had many opportunities to tell my mom how much I loved her, to thank her for being a wonderful mom and abuela.

The thing I’m most grateful for, however, was being with her when she died. It was a profound experience. She brought me into this world, and I held her hand as she left it. Witnessing her death took away my fear of dying. I saw death for what it is. The last act of living.

Nothing lasts forever

We humans are funny people. When life is going well, we tend to think that it’ll always go well. Likewise, when we’re going through some hard times, it’s easy to think that’s the way things will always be. But, that’s not true, is it? Nothing is permanent. Not the good times. Not the bad times. This lesson has served me well over the years. When things are going well, I’ve learned to take a step back and appreciate how blessed I am. When things are going poorly, I tell myself “this won’t last forever.”

Death should not be a taboo

Here’s the thing. We all know that no matter how rich, poor, successful, or strong, at the end of the day every single living organism dies. That includes each and every one of us. Western culture, however, has an aversion to talking about death. Youth rules in all matters. And that’s a shame. Because death can teach us so much. It can teach us:

• to appreciate the present moment,
• that there are moments of joy and beauty even when we’re hurting,
• to be patient. Life, and death, unfold on their own timeline.
• to surrender to that which we cannot control. We are accustomed to organizing our lives, right down to the smallest detail. Death provides a powerful reminder that there are many things that are outside of our control. And that’s ok.

Many people even seem afraid to use the word death. Right after my mom died, I would say that she “passed away.” A friend took me aside and kindly suggested that I use the word “death”. After all, “death” explained what happened to my mom. She was right.

Gone from my sight

As I started to grieve my mom, I learned another lesson. Grief if not linear. Some days I felt ok, other days I’d regress and become a mess of tears. As I struggled with the daily emotional rollercoaster, a friend gave me this beautiful poem. I found these words very comforting. Whenever I felt down, I’d read this message and feel better. I like to think that my mom’s spirit/soul is safe on the “other side” with my dad, and her other loved ones.

Links to other posts about my amazing mom:

• Memories of mom
• My mom still has my back

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