Learning to Embrace the Suck

I am going to embrace the suck. The suck of living in isolation through a pandemic. The suck of feeling powerless, sad and scared. I know that I am very fortunate. My family is healthy. I have a roof over my head, food on my plate, and I live in a peaceful country. And yet…

What day is it, again?

The last month has crawled along at a snail’s pace. Time has no meaning. Most of us don’t know which day of the week it is. I turned off the alarm clock back when the isolation started. I figured that there was no point in being woken up at 6 am to not go anywhere. Besides, I’m pretty good at waking up early. Most mornings I wake up thinking “oh, it’s Saturday!” Except that 6 days out of 7 it isn’t Saturday. My morning routine is gone, even though I have tried to establish a new routine.

Sleep is not restful. Most nights I have weird, bizarre, sometimes scary, dreams. Some days I stumble around not being productive and feeling all kinds of anxiety. Writing down my 3 gratitudes each day helps. Other things that help include going for walks and doing workouts. One rather unexpected activity that is really helping me cope with the anxiety and stress is sewing face masks. My daughter and I started sewing masks. We’ve donated some, and sold others. Making masks gives me a feeling of contributing to a greater good in a time when a lot of us feel powerless.

We are grieving

Here’s the thing. All of this is completely ok. It’s ok to NOT be ok. These are extraordinarily stressful times. I was talking to a friend about this last week. I was saying how I think it’s essential to acknowledge all our feelings, not just the positive ones. Yes, I am blessed. I am also scared, stressed and grieving. All of us are grieving. We are grieving a life we have lost. Things we took for granted, like spontaneously hugging a loved one, are gone. Calling up buddies and getting together for a meal. Running out to do errands without giving any thought to our personal safety or health. That’s also gone.

Even watching movies or shows triggers anxiety! Every time I see a scene where people are hanging around, I think “you can’t do that!! You’re not socially distancing!” How messed up is that? And it’s only been a month of isolation.

The takeaway

Here’s what I do know. Crappy days are temporary. Nothing lasts forever. Today might be a lousy day. Tomorrow, we get a chance to start over and have a better day. Human beings are very adaptable. We will create a new way of being. New ways to interact. I know that out of this misery, new ideas and new ways of doing things will grow. In other areas of my life, embracing the suck has allowed me to learn new skills and grow. I plan on leaning into the suck and seeing what I can learn from these challenges. There is always a lesson to learn.