If a picture is worth a thousand words, then what’s a video worth? I just watched a video of me coming face to face with one of my biggest fears: heights. It was interesting to re-live my reaction as I stood there deciding what to do. This all happened last week in the first Blackout race of the season. As I came to the end of the course. I saw it. A ladder, about six or seven feet off the ground, that I needed to climb. When I reached the ladder, I froze. I couldn’t imagine finishing the race.
It was a cold, rainy race day. Racing in the rain is not fun. The ground is slick and it was cold. Not my idea of a good time. Luckily, the rain let up just as the race started. Then there were the pre-race jitters. My body felt sluggish because I hadn’t worked out in about 10 days. Also I had some knee and back issues to deal with.
Sure enough, I was slow. Running through the woods involved a lot of mud, and it was slippery. We had to run while carrying a 20 lb bag of sand. Yeah, good times! Although the terrain was slippery and the it was cold , I was very happy to have myrace buddy, Randee. It’s always so much better to race with a friend.
Confronting my fears
The race went along swimmingly until I got to climb station and the ladder. I froze. I had a panic attack. A bunch of random, negative thoughts ran through my brain. “I can’t do this. I’m going to fall and break something. I need to quit.” I’m scared of heights and even though the ladder wasn’t that high, I was scared of falling. Especially since the metal rungs were not only slippery, but spaced far apart. I tried to climb it twice and both times, I couldn’t do it. Then, something magical happened.
My friend Ryan was on the ground, cheering me on, telling me that he was also afraid of heights and that he had climbed the ladder earlier. He had done this while holding a camera no less!! Not only is Ryan a great guy, he’s also a very talented photographer and artist. http://ryanlabrosse.com/
I finally worked up enough courage to attempt a third time. I did it. I made it over the huge container. My panic attack had quite the effect on me. My breathing was shallow, my heart was racing. At the end of the race, one station later, I was out of breath. It took me a few minutes to recover.
Watching the video brought me back to the moment where I was struggling. For years, I’ve been afraid of heights. A completely irrational fear, I know. But, it’s real enough that I get anxiety attacks when I’m faced with it. I faced my fear of heights and I decided that I could indeed climb over that ladder. Was I afraid? Yes, I was. My heart was racing and I was moving very slowly, but once I set my mind to doing it, I was going to finish.
Perseverance pays off
I did finish the race. Finishing is always my goal. I don’t care about my time. I care about completing it. I’m glad I was able to overcome this fear, with some help from my friends.
After the race, I was speaking with Ryan and we decided that at some point this year, we’re going skydiving. Enough of avoiding what makes me uncomfortable or scared. I’m going to do it. Talk about facing your fears!
Nice!